Tori Will Win If I Won't Lose It
by ConversesAndTHG
Summary: Jade's life is messed up. It seems deadly to others but to her it's normal, so she keeps the voice named Ana inside her head. After all, if she doesn't lose weight, Tori will win Beck, right? Well... That's what Ana says anyway. Anorexia/Swearing. May be triggering. All the more important... SO MUCH BADE YOUR BRAIN WILL PROBABLY EXPLODE! Just kidding but there's a lot of Bade!
1. Chapter 1

"_No, not that! That's cheese Jade!"  
_"_Ham isn't any better!"  
_"_Bread? Really?"  
"Fine, get the fries... They'll only make you fat!"__  
_I lost it. "Shut up will you!" I screamed at the voices. Vega, who had started to talk then looked offended yet shut her big mouth.  
"Everything alright babe?" Beck asked me.  
"Yeah, whatever, I'm getting a salad." I stood up from our usual table.  
"What's wrong with your fries?" Cat asked as I was already walking towards Festus' truck.  
"They're greasy and horrible!" I yelled back and Beck shrugged and took my fries. I didn't care, food was a disease, something you didn't have until you absolutely needed it. Ana taught me this, and I never forgot her golden rule. There is, in fact, an incredible freedom in having nothing left to lose. I want to be the one who is weightless, and have no more fat to get rid of. This is my dream, my goal, my life wish...

* * *

"Salad."  
"Dressing?"  
"No, just salad Festus."  
"Ok Jade. You and Tori should take me home in a wheelbarrow again! That was so fun!" He bounced and handed me my salad and plastic fork.  
"Yeah, when we smash-up your car again." I nodded at him and walked back over to my table and sat next to Beck, pushing Vega out-of-the-way.  
"Jade! What is your problem with Tori?" André asked. He looked annoyed.  
"Yeah! She ain't done nothing to you, is it because she has better cheekbones?" Rex stated. I pulled my scissors out of my boot.  
"You better shut up, puppet," I spat, "Or you'll lose a limb, or all of them." I bared my teeth and snipped the blades. Robbie squeaked.  
"Jade!"  
"That's horrible."  
"Shut up! All of you! Leave me alone or I'll re-enact The Scissoring on all of you bitches!" And I stormed off, leaving my salad like a good girl.

* * *

"_I'm not impressed Jade. You could have done better!"_

* * *

The janitors' closet is where I go when I'm upset. There's plenty of things to cut up in there. I grabbed my sharpest scissors from my locker and made my way into there.  
"What to cut up?" I asked myself.  
"_Your wrists?" _She tormented, a smirk on her face. I shook my head and grabbed a bucket. It would have been a trash can but they're all metal now after I cut them all up. I hacked and hacked at the bucket until the closet door opened. I flung the scissors and they imbedded themselves into the door, inches from Beck's face. I laughed at his shocked face.

"Why are you acting weird Jade?" He asked as he sat next to me.  
"I'm not." He started playing with my hair.  
"Yeah, you are. Anything wrong? Home life again?" He sounded concerned and I didn't want to even think about that! I shook my head.  
"I want my Jade back, the one who'd insult everyone, but never storm off over prissy miss Vega." I laughed. Seems like I'm not the only one who hates her. Maybe for different reasons though… "Come on, the bell's about to ring, at least we have Sikowitz next." As on queue, the bell rang and Beck helped me up.  
"You're right. One more lesson and we're free!" He chuckled. "Can I stay the night Beck? I don't wanna go home." I asked him, knowing he'd say yes.  
"Of course. You have stuff in my RV, you're welcome anytime." I nodded and we walked into Sikowitz's class hand-in-hand.

* * *

"Beck! Get off me!" I giggled, Beck was tickling me and I couldn't breath as I kicked my legs at him.  
"Not until you beg!" He moved his hands over my stomach and I was breathless and wheezing.  
"Mercy, master! Mercy!" I cried and he stopped. "Now, let's act normal and watch a film." I told him and he stood up.  
"Ladies choice?" He asked and gestured to his vast film collection.  
"Whatever love, you decide." He gasped. I narrowed my eyes at him.  
"Jade West, letting someone else decide on a movie? Has hell frozen over?" He grabbed his heart and fell to the floor.  
"Don't be a fool, Oliver, just stick a film on!" I made myself comfy on his bed and inspected my nails. The bed shifted as Beck settled on to it next to me, and in one swift movement, I was on him lap.  
"Have you lost weight? You seem lighter?" Beck asked.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" I shot back, using Cat's line when she gets insulted.  
"Nothing, just you seem skinnier, it's nothing bad!" He defended himself.  
"Maybe you've gotten stronger?" I questioned, he shrugged and focused on the film what was now playing.

"What is this?" I asked, appalled at the 'violence' what made it an 18.  
"The nightmare on Elm street remake." Beck told me, shifting my weight to the other leg.  
"It's crap." I stated.  
"I know." Was his just as bland reply. All of a sudden, his PearPhone started ringing, making us both jump. We laughed and he answered with a quick "Hey."  
"No, I'm not."  
"No!"  
"Why? What's the point? I don't like you like that! I'm with Jade." I suspected it was Trina, who was always asking Beck out. It didn't bother me that much, but I pretended it did, to keep up image.  
"No! How many times! I'm not going on a date with you to 'see who I like better out of you or Jade. That's wrong!" Shouting could be heard from the phone now and I got a kick out of Beck rejecting Trina yet again. This meant I could threaten her again…  
"Goodbye Tori!" Beck yelled and threw his phone to the floor.  
"WHAT?" I screamed and searched the kitchen for scissors.

* * *

"_She's skinnier than you Jade. No wonder why he likes her…"  
_"_**Beck hates Tori, just like I do"  
**_"_No, he secretly loves her… Just pretends he hates her for you. But just you wait Jade. He'll dump your fat-ass if she makes a deal with him, she's perfect and slim. You can see her cheekbones. What do you have? Hip bones? Nobody can see them under all the layers of junk food built up Darling. You better make some progress Jade, or he'll be out of here faster than you can say Tori Vega's cheekbones."  
_"_**Shut up Ana, I didn't ask you!" **_But somehow, what she was saying was true somehow. She was skinny, and I was fat…  
"Just gonna pee. Be right back." I told beck and ran into his bathroom. I pulled the scales out from under the sink and stepped on to them. 108llb.  
"_See, I bet Tori's only 80-ish pounds. Why are you such a fat-ass Have you been eating fat cakes? Or candy from Cat's bra again? Beck would dump you in an instant if he knew that you weighed one hundred and eight pounds Jade. That's like, a size hippo. Nobody wants to date a hippo do they Jade?"  
_"_**No, you're right… I need to loose weight…"**_


	2. Chapter 2

"Jade West, your song?" I spaced out and just heard my name, I looked up from my shoes to the teacher,  
"What?" I asked, dazed and tired.  
"Ms West, you was supposed to prepare a song to sing as homework. Do you understand? Now perform the song you chose or I'll have to fail you." The teacher snapped his fingers and I dragged myself from my chair.  
"Right, my song is called Hold On." I told the class, the teacher nodded.

"This world, this world is cold,  
But you don't, you don't have to go,  
You're feeling sad you're feeling lonely,  
And no one seems to care,  
You're mothers gone and your father hits you,  
This pain you cannot bare,  
But we all bleed the same way as you do,  
We all have the same things to go through,  
Hold on...if you feel like letting go,  
Hold on...it gets better than you know,  
Your days you say they're way too long,  
And your nights you cant sleep at all (hold on),  
And you're not sure what you're looking for,  
But you don't want to no more,  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for but you don't want to no more,  
But we all bleed the same way as you do,  
And we all have the same things to go through,  
Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know,  
Don't stop looking you're one step closer,  
Don't stop searching its not over...hold on,  
What are you looking for? What are you waiting for?  
Do you know what you're doing to me?  
Go ahead...what are you waiting for?  
Hold on...if you feel like letting go,  
Hold on...it gets better than you know,  
Don't stop looking you're one step closer,  
Don't stop searching its not over...  
Hold on...if you feel like letting go,  
Hold on...it gets better than you know...  
Hold on" I sang, watching the class' reactions. Nobody clapped. They all looked at me like I was weird.

"Jade, as beautiful as you sang that, I don't think it's appropriate. Singing about your father hitting you?"  
"Not my father sir! It just goes, ok! And I don't need yours, or anyone else's approval!" I shouted and stormed out of the classroom.

* * *

"_Why are you a failure?"  
_"_**I'm not, shut up Ana!"  
**_"_Yeah, you are. You can't do nothing right!"  
_"_**Leave me alone. Please?"**_

* * *

I was crying. Yes, me, Jade West, crying. In the girls bathroom.  
"Hello?" Oh shit. Not Vega.  
"You Ok?"  
"Go away!" I yelled back, using a different voice.  
"Ugh, fine." And she left. Just like that. I put on my Tori voice.  
"I'm Tori, and I think I can help people. I sick up rainbows and cookies cause I'm perfect!"

* * *

"Beck. I'm broken inside.  
I need help, I hear voices, they tell me what to do.  
I love you, but I need to go.  
I'm sorry." I read out the note I had written for my love. It sounded dorky.

"WHY! Why can't I do it?" I screamed at myself and crumpled up the note, dropped it on the floor and walked out of Beck's RV I had been planning on committing suicide in.

"_Because you're weak. Run home and you'll feel better."  
_"_**I don't want to run Ana!"  
**_"_NOW!" _She screamed and I started to jog.  
When I got home, I was all gross and sweaty, what I hardly ever do. I checked my PearPhone and saw three missed calls from Beck and twenty texts. All asking about the note I had stupidly forgotten about. I texted back to one what read 'Are you breaking up with me?'

'No, don't worry about it, you wasn't supposed to see it. Just give me some space.'  
He texted back instantly.  
'Why do you want space? Jade? I'm coming over!'  
'No, I'm not home anyways. Sorry.' Beck left it after that, and I was glad. My stomach started rumbling and I decided to ignore it.  
"Sit ups!" I told myself and I went into my room to start the exercise that was going to help me lose weight.

"_Good girl, you decided that on your own. I'm proud."  
_"_**I'm glad Ana. I'll be beautiful like you soon."  
**_"_One day Jade. Now, faster!"  
_

_I started doing more sit-ups until it hurt to breathe. It felt rewarding.  
__Maybe this is how it feels to be skinny? Absolutely proud and breathless. But in the good way? _


	3. Chapter 3

**Three weeks later…**

"Jade."  
"Jaaade?"  
"What's wrong with her?"  
"Jade? Tell me what's wrong? Why did you faint? Are you ok?" Beck asked, concern masking his face.  
"Beck, I'm fine! Just tired, God!" I yelled and sat up too fast, giving me headrush…  
"Obviously you're not, otherwise you'd be able to sit up without getting dizzy."  
"Whatever, can we just get out of here?" I asked, looking around the shop that Beck, Cat and I was standing in.  
"Kay kay!" Cat chirped and she bounced off in her new bouncy shoe things.

* * *

'Are you sure you're ok?' Another text from Beckett. Great.  
'Peachy.'  
'Well you didn't look peachy laying on the floor after passing out yesterday!' I scoffed.  
"Seriously?" He nodded.  
'Well, maybe it was the fact that your hair sucked all the life out of me to breed its little dandruff babies!'  
"Ugh, Seriously?" I mimicked his nod and he typed furiously on his phone.  
'Well, at least my roots aren't showing, gank.'  
"Oh, you did not…"  
"Hey guys, what's up?" Tori asked.  
"Stay out of it!" Beck snapped the same time I yelled, "Stay out of it Vega!"  
"Ok, just asking…" She walked off with André.  
'Well, maybe you need to go back to Canada! Immigrant!'  
"Bitch! Oh, you did not…" Just then Sikowitz walked in with a 'one cup coffee maker'.  
'Well continue this later… Gank'

Bathroom. Lunchtime. (No-one's POV)

Jade sat in one of the stools with her back to the wall. The disabled toilet had proper walls, so it helped her hide from Beck and the text fight. It also hid her away from the food taunting her from the Grub Truck.  
"Why can't it be easy? Why Can't I just stay here forever?" She asked herself. Nobody answered her, and Jade lifted her shirt sleeve up to run her fingers across the jagged pink lines. Yes. This was Jade West's life now.

(And now we're back to Jade's POV after that little random thing up there ^^)

First one home… Again. Nobody to talk to, nobody who loves me. It's too bad my friends don't understand how much I hurt. They're worrying more about Sikowitz, a stupid teacher, than me.  
"_You do have a friend Jade. I'm your friend right?" _Ana asked, her voice sickly sweet and condescending.  
"_**You are a voice Ana. Nothing more, nothing less…"  
**_"_Want me to show you I'm real?" _After she said those words, an image of an incredibly skinny girl with long red hair, long legs and dressed in the same long checked shirt, jeans and boots as me. She looked better in it and I was envious. It wasn't fair. She was pretty, I was plain.

_"You'll be like me soon, Jade. Perfect and skinny. You'll count your bones for fun and you'll look like you'll snap. But that's what we want. People will say, 'Oh Jade, you look so skinny!' and you'll smile and nod. All in time, dear Jade."_

* * *

"Take that metal out your face Jade."  
"No."  
"Please."  
"No."

"You fed yourself?"  
"Yes."  
"Ok." The only words my father spoke to me today. Makes me feel worse.

"Lay my head, under the water,  
Lay my head, under the sea,  
Excuse me sir, am I your daughter?  
Won't you take me back, take me back and see?  
There's not a time, for being younger,  
And all my friends, are enemies,  
And if I cried unto my mother,  
No she wasn't there, she wasn't there for me,  
Don't let the water drag you down (Don't let the water drag you down),  
Don't let the water drag you down,

Broken lines, across my mirror,  
Show my face, all red and bruised,  
And though I screamed and I screamed, well, no one came running,  
No I wasn't saved,  
I wasn't safe from you,

Don't let the water drag you down (Don't let the water drag you down),  
Don't let the water drag you down,  
Don't let me drown, don't let me drown in the waves, oh,  
I could be found, I could be one who was saved,  
Saved, saved, saved,  
Lay my head, under the water,  
Alone I pray, for calmer seas,  
And when I wake from this dream, with chains all around me,  
No, I've never been, I've never been free, No, I've never been, I've never been free,  
No, I've never been, I've never been free." I sang as I checked The Slap page and updated my status. 'With the Father, trying to get me to take out my piercing…  
Feeling: Ignored.'

"The saddest thing is that nobody cares." My phone started to make it's smashing glass sound what it does when I get a text.

'From- Cat.  
R U comin 2 Sikowitz's thing? It's gonna B good!'

"What do I tell her? Oh God it's Cat, I have to say yes!"

'Sure, I'll be there.'

'To- Beck.  
Come pick me up, lumberjack!'

Well. This is going to be one of the worst nights known to man. Well. Known to me anyway…

**AN Time!** Well, last night I was diagnosed with severe depression caused by stress and trauma from the world's worst stepdad. And today, all my friends decided to slag me off whilst I was standing right in front of me. I was walking home and I just burst out crying. And I can't go college next year cause the train to Southend from where I am would cost too much everyday. I'm an emotional mess and I cut myself cause I thought it would help. I stopped crying but now my arm hurts! If you read this... I love you!


	4. Chapter 4

AN- To the guest reviewer BADE. Incase you hadn't noticed, Jade is already showing signs of being anorexic. It's not like you wake up some day and say 'I know, I'm going to develop a mental illness today!' It takes time and if you're so impatient, write your own. I try to make my stories as realistic as possible, and I'm not going to have her a normal girl one minute, and an hour later incredibly skinny and upset. No. I am doing this my way. Anyway…. Thanks to all you other supportive and PATIENT guest reviewers! ~Daisy

* * *

"Jade! We're going out for dinner now! You want to come?" André asked, backing away slightly.  
"No!" I yelled.  
"Why not? It'll be fun!" Robbie cut in.  
"Shut it, freak!"  
"Jade… Please come with us?" Cat asked sweetly, batting her eyelashes. My voice went from menacing to loving.  
"I would Cat, but I'm already having dinner with my Mom when I get home. I really want too, but I can't tonight." I lied, knowing full well that my Mom wouldn't care if I did, nor would she eat dinner with me.  
"Aww… Bummer." Her face fell.  
"It's ok Little Red! We'll still have a fun time together!" André said and everyone nodded.  
"Bye guys! Have fun at dinner!"  
"Bye Jade! Have fun with your Mom!" Tori called and I pulled a face.

* * *

"Beck? You don't have to drive me home you know." I told the boy driving his truck to my Mom's house.  
"Jade, I need to ask you something important…"  
"Shoot."  
"You don't really have plans with your Mom, do you?" I pretended I'm shocked.  
"Beckett Oliver! You doubt me?"  
"Jade. You're acting different, you're 'spending time' with your Mom. What is going on?" He glanced at me for a moment and back to the road before flicking the indicator on and pulling over.  
"Why'd you do that? Drive me home Beck!" I yelled, angry.  
"Tell me, what the hell is going on Jade!" Beck shouted back, and I looked down at my hands, tears escaping my eyes. "Jade? Did I upset you?"  
"No! Beck… I can't tell you. She told me not to, she told me to keep it a secret Beck!"  
"Who did Jade? Who?" He took my hands and stroked them softly.  
"No!" I screamed and opened the car door, running as fast as I could, away from Beck and his truck and his questions.

* * *

"Well done Jade." Ana spat. "You almost blew it. Good job I control you now."  
"Ana. Go away."  
"Jade. I'm you, I can't go away if you're still here and wanting my assistance." My stomach growled.  
"Coffee!" I exclaimed and walked to the nearest Starbucks there was.

* * *

"Black coffee. No sugar, to go." I told the boy behind the counter.  
"Name?" He asked, pen hovering over the cup.  
"Jade." I snapped, not in the mood.  
"That's a pretty name for a beautiful girl. You look tired Jade."  
"Leave me alone!" I pleaded.  
"You've been running right? Cause I swear you was running through my mind." I scoffed and pulled out some scissors.  
"Listen, I have a boyfriend so give me my coffee or I'll phone him and we'll both take turns hacking off a body part your fond of with these scissors. Understand?" He nodded and ran back through to the staff area, where a new server came out and handed me my coffee.  
"What is it with these people?" I asked myself.

Home is supposed to be happy, but for me it's torture. Nobody is ever there, and being an only child doesn't get you far. I wouldn't even mind a brother like Cat's but it's just me. I threw my empty coffee cup into the bin and ran out of the kitchen and upstairs.

My room is dark and eerie, painted dark red with a big, mahogany bed. The mirrors and decor was all Victorian and I loved it. Throwing myself on to my bed I pulled my PearPhone out of my pocket and saw that I had no new messages. Beck obviously decided I was fine. Just then my stomach grumbled louder and I looked down at it.

"You can eat Jade, but then you'll have more fat on your body, and Beck will leave you for someone with perfect cheekbones…"  
"Beck doesn't like Tori!"  
"But he will, if you eat that hamburger you're craving…"  
"Fine. I won't eat. I promise."  
"Good girl. Now go drink some water."

* * *

Dear scissors,  
Nobody cares that I'm getting thin. Actually, nobody's noticed, so why do I bother? Oh, because I want to be perfectly skinny like my… "friend" Vega. She's so skinny and has such a big thigh gap. I think I'd like her more if she was fat and untalented… Beck likes her. I think he may even have a crush on the sweet girl, but I'm not sweet. I'm dangerous and sarcastic, so that must be Beck's type right? I don't know… He says he hates her but I'm not convinced. Anyway, today I ate;  
A banana,  
Half a ham salad sandwich,  
A cup of coffee (Black) x3,  
Two bottles of water. Ana yelled at me before I could eat the other half of my sandwich. I reasoned that it was rye bread and I pulled out the ham but apparently it doesn't matter. She's telling me to go do crunches now, so I suppose I'll write later.  
Jade.

* * *

Another AN- It's a short chapter but I enjoyed writing it for a strange reason. I think it's because of the dodgy chat-up line... You guys like the diary (Named scissors, of course) entry? I thought it would be right for her to track her eating habits like I, and other Ana's do... anyway, have a nice morning/evening/night!


	5. Chapter 5

I'm sorry too, BADE! I snapped a bit… I tend to do that… A lot. Anyway! A new chapter is down there! So scroll peasants! Scroll like there's no tomorrow!

* * *

Friday morning is the worst time of day. I couldn't be bothered to get out of bed and drag myself to class, but I had exams in the afternoon. Great. I dragged myself out of the warm covers and stood in front of my wardrobe. I pulled out my favourite black skirt, some tights and a dark blue shirt and got changed.  
"Mom! You got a safety-pin?" I yelled.  
"No! Get one from downstairs!" She shouted back at me and I held my skirt together as I ran down.  
"Damn it!" I pricked my finger with the pin as I tried to make my skirt stay up. "Fuck!" I screamed when it pierced my finger, but I finally got it closed. I threw my top on and tucked it into my skirt. I didn't notice how baggy it had gotten. After my wash, Beck's horn sounded outside and I ran, with my shoes, bag and hairbrush in my hands.

"Get up late?" Beck asked, smirking.  
"Shut up!" I told him whilst doing up my boot laces, then I brushed my hair in the little mirror.  
"Jade. You're top is lose. What happened to it?" He asked.  
"It is? Huh… I didn't notice. Maybe my mum wore it and stretched it out?" I feigned innocence and Beck shrugged.  
"I don't know Jade. You seem like you're losing weight." Beck told me.  
"Well… I have been on a small diet but nothing major. I want to be a size 2." I lied. I was already a size 2.  
"Fair enough. Promise it won't get to drastic." He looked at me, and with my hands behind my back, I crossed my fingers.  
"I promise Beck. Now, you ready for our exams?" I asked and opened the car door.

* * *

"FUCK! Why isn't it coming out!" I yelled at the Wahoo Punch machine.  
"Jade. Calm down. It's just out of that drink. Get a regular." Robbie told me and I grabbed his collar.  
"No! I want that one!" I shouted like a stroppy child.  
"What's wrong with regular? What's so special about diet?" Cat asked, cocking her head the side.  
"I only like diet Wahoo Punch. God Cat…" I told her and walked away from the money eating vending machine.  
"Want anything from the Grub Truck Jade?" Beck asked me as I walked to our usual table.  
"No. I'm not hungry." I told him and he saluted me and walked off. Trina walked over.  
"So Jade. I'm babysitting for Lane but there's this party at Shawn's house the same night…"  
"No!" I yelled.  
"Tori?" She asked and Tori shook her head.  
"Trina, go back to your friends." Tori told her the same time I shouted, "Nobody likes you!" I laughed to myself and Beck came over with a cheeseburger.

"_Look at that greasy patty. And the fatty cheese. Ugh, how disgusting. It reminds me of your insides. All your fat and grease and calories you eat. Ugh.!"  
_Why can't I be normal? Why must I be messed up? Why am I a gank? What is wrong with me?

* * *

"Babe. You're done. The exam finished." Beck's voice echoed through my brain yet I still stayed seated, not moving, just staring at the wall.  
"Jade-y… What's wrong?" Cat asked but I stayed there. Still staring at the wall.

_Cat POV. _

"Get the nurse… She needs help obviously. Or Lane!" Tori yelled and I took Jade's hand.  
"Jade! They're yelling! Please! What's wrong with you!" I cried. Minutes later Lane, André and the nurse came running in.  
"Miss West?" The nurse asked Jade and she STILL sat there! Then Lane tried.  
"Jade, your father said he loves you…"  
"But that's a lie!" I cried and Lane gave me a look. "Well… It is!"  
Still Jade would sit there, not moving and Beck carried her to the nurses office.  
"Is she ok mentally?" The nurse asked us.  
"You really want us to answer that?" Rex said and I shot him a look.  
"She likes scissors… And she freaked out over the Wahoo Punch machine today cause it was out of diet. Her parents hate her. But other than that she's fine!" I giggled and everyone looked at me. I guess Tori wasn't being funny.

"My brother went on a diet before. He ended up eating all the food in the house, even the wrappers and banana peels!" I laughed again and Beck's face lit up.  
"Jade! She said something about a diet today in the car to school. And she's been acting weird. Like she said she  
was spending time with her Mom when they hate each other. And she left this note screwed up under my bed, what said something like 'I need help' and when I asked her what was wrong she said that 'the voice told me not to say! Does that help?"  
"Beck. Maybe we should talk outside." Lane said and Beck walked out with Lane.

* * *

"Cat!"  
"What?"  
"Beck has to tell us something…" André said and handed me my purple giraffe out of my bag. I hugged it and looked at Beck. He had tears running down his face.  
"Why so sad Beck? Is it about Canada?" I asked, confused. My brother and my Daddy never cried. They say men don't cry.  
"No Cat. It's not about Canada." I smiled.  
"That's good right, you're not homeless!" I giggled and he shook his head.  
"No Cat, I still have a home. It's… It's… Oh God…" Beck stuttered.  
"Oh spit it out man!" Rex shouted and Robbie looked sad.  
"Rex! That wasn't nice was it!" He shouted back and I covered my ears.  
"Stop shouting guys! You're scaring Cat." Tori told them and smiled at me. "Beck, we get its upsetting but it's killing us not knowing!" She told him sternly and put her hands on her hips.  
"No Tori. It's killing Jade."  
"What do you mean?" André asked, confused. I nodded.  
"Jade's ok, right?" I asked.  
"No. She's not."  
"What's wrong with her?" I asked and hugged my giraffe closer to me.  
"Cat, Tori, André, Robbie… Rex. I know you may not always like Jade but this serious, and I want you all to help Jade, and not say anything until we find out if it's true or not. Ok?" Everyone nodded. Even my giraffe. "Lane thinks… Oh God…" Beck ran his hands through his hair and more tears came out of his eyes. "Lane thinks Jade might be Anor… Anore… Anorexic…" He stuttered and mumbled the last time really fast but we all heard it. The last thing I remember is my Giraffe hitting the floor.

* * *

Is it sad that I cried whilst writing this ending today? Yes... I know... I was listening to (Don't Fear) The Reaper and I was like -_- to :'( but more D','',: That's my tears ok! Anyway... You'll find out what happened to Jade in the next chapter! It's nothing too serious, don't worry! Anyway, I'm listening to TPR's old album and I forgot how many songs I like. I've actually played Just Tonight 115 times. The most on my iPod. Whilst I was writing this, I decided to watch some Victorious to get a feel of Cat's POV and ended up watching the April Fools Blank one... THAT LOBSTER DANCING! Oh God... Too funny! I tried to explain it to my mum but I was laughing too much at the man dressed as a lobster...


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, I seriously wrote the Jade POV thing and what she says and gave up for coffee. I need more! Now you know the secret to my writing. Coffee.**

Jade POV.

"Why are you all staring at me?"  
"Jade. Do you not remember what happened?" Vega asked me and I sneered.  
"I was in my exam, and I was staring at the wall… But then I woke up and you was all looking at me crying!" Why are they crying? What the fuck did I miss?  
"Jade… Why?" Cat asked me, sobbing into a purple giraffe.  
"Ladies, gentlemen, could you give me a moment alone with Jade?" The school nurse asked and they all left without a backwards glance.

"Jade. You went into a state of shock earlier on, you was unresponsive and you worried your friends. I've called your father to come and get you, but he said that you'd go with Beckett?" I nodded. "Great, now I have to ask you some questions. When was the last time you ate?" She gave me a knowing look and I was busted.  
"Last night."  
"What did you have?" I laughed.  
"Pizza actually. It was horrible! Trina bought it to us and it was just disgusting!"  
"And you ate all of this?" I narrowed my eyes.  
"Look lady, it's none of your business! BECK!" I yelled and he came running in. "Take me home now!"

* * *

"Jade. Please, tell us what's wrong?" Robbie asked and I shook my head. We was all crammed into Beck's truck.  
"Why though? You're perfect!" Cat asked, so they knew. Damn nurse! They knew.  
"Cat. You'll never understand, ok?"  
"NO! I want to know!" She demanded and stamped her foot. I sighed.  
"I'll tell you all when we get somewhere. Not in the truck. Just… No…"  
"My place is free? Trina's babysitting and my parents are out of town." Vega told us and Beck headed towards Vega's.

* * *

"Now will you tell us?" Beck asked and I shook my head.  
"First I need coffee, black, and then I'll tell you the whole, uncut thing." Vega went into her kitchen and started making coffee. I sat on the sofa, Beck on my right and Andre on my left. Cat was with Robbie on the other sofa to the left and Vega sat on the floor, cross-legged after putting my coffee on the table.

* * *

"So, it started when saw this girl. She was so pretty and skinny and it wasn't fair. She had loving parents, a nice life. Everything I didn't have. And I wanted to be like her. I decided to try and make nice with my parents and actually make an effort but they still ignored me. One day I was up in my room and my Mom told me she'd call when dinner was done. Two hours later I went downstairs to find that she'd already eaten and forgot to call me. I then realised that however hungry I was at that moment didn't matter. I didn't physically want to eat."

* * *

"A few weeks later I realised that I had started losing weight and that maybe what I was doing could actually make me look skinny like that girl. At this moment I was desperate and needed something to bring me back to reality. I started trying to dress like her, but it didn't go so well."

* * *

"After I started losing weight, I realised that this was the way to be like her, so perfect and so fucking skinny! I wanted a thigh gap and to be able to count my ribs but I knew that none of you got that. So, I apologise if I've upset you for trying to be so fucking perfect that it hurts, Ok?" I stood up from the couch, downed my coffee and stormed out, slamming the door behind me.

* * *

"Jade!" Beck yelled from behind me and I spun around on my heel.  
"What? Are you gonna dump me for being a stupid bitch who just wants to be perfect? Go fuck Vega instead of me? Maybe make me watch as payback? Cause I don't care anymore Beck! Maybe I should just kill myself? Would that make you feel better?" He stepped closer and grabbed my arms. "Get the fuck off of me!" I struggled and he pulled me to his chest.  
"No, Jade. You are perfect. The best girlfriend I've ever had and why would I screw Vega when I can have this beautiful creature I'm holding right now? Don't you ever think of hurting yourself Jade. It hurts me too, and I don't care if you're fat or skinny, short or tall. I love you for you! Just please, stop hurting yourself."  
"It's too late for that Beck. Too late." I shook my head and rolled my sleeves up, showing him the now healing pink lines going across my arms. I shook my head and felt tears coming from my eyes and rolling down my face.  
"Jade. Just tell me why, please?" I shook my head and got started walking home, grateful for the PearPod I had.

* * *

"I feel like I've married a ghost."

"Nobody gets me, but my music describes me perfectly.

"I never said, that I'd be coming back for you."

"Why am I so screwed up?"  
"_Because I'm a part of you now. Didn't you know that I was going to destroy you, bit by bit?_"  
"Ana. Piss off now. I don't care."  
"_Not until you're perfect Jade. Now, run. Fast." I ran. I obeyed her and pushed my friends crying faces out of my mind. I couldn't worry about them anymore. It's just me._

"I don't mind if you're overrated…"

"Well said, Austin Carlile. Well said."

My feet hit the pavement harder and harder as I sped up, running home with my earphones plugged in. I was running from the demons in my mind and in the food I didn't want to eat. I was running from the guilt of making my friends upset. Running from the upset Beck. Running from my actions. Running from myself.

* * *

If you know these songs mentioned, I love you. You will be my new best friend! Anyway, sorry for not updating, I kinda had a screwed up week full of police stations, school and not giving any resemblance of a fuck. Deep, I know. And to top it all off, my hair's been falling out really badly. But in among the bad news, I managed to score myself a boyfriend, who's treating me to go see 'Breaking Dawn part 2'. It was his idea and everything... But he's lovely and confiscated my pointy things. Now if I want to cut I have to tell him and he rings me and calms me down. I think I love him! So, if you don't know them songs and you aren't into metal/screamo, don't even bother looking them up. If you do, however, then feel free to youtube them! ~Daisy


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm home!" I called, hearing my voice echo round the house.  
"Jade. I need to tell you something." My Mom's voice was quiet and lacked emotion.  
"What?" I wiped my face and sat on the floor, tired from running.  
"Jade. You're going to have a little brother or sister."  
"WHAT? NO!" I screamed and ran upstairs to my room. I'm not letting another person, let alone a baby into the unloving arms of my mother. How is she pregnant anyway? I fell on to my bed, pulled my boots off of my feet and threw them violently at the wall, smiling at the sickening thud they made as they dented the plaster. I opened my draw and pulled out the small, heart-shaped trinket box. Inside the sickening girly box was my deadly weapons.

* * *

The box had inside five blades, all different in some way. There was four what were once razors, one pink, two dark blue and one light blue. The last, and my favourite, was an unused pencil sharpener blade. It was curved at one end and sharp at the other, and this was my choice of weapon this evening. I picked it up with my index finger and thumb, twirling it slightly, marvelling at the blades angles and its simple life it should have had. I placed on to my knee and rolled up my left sleeve, running my hand across the delicate skin there. The blade entered my hands again and I ran it across the flesh, feeling the slight pinch of pain then pure relief of the blood coming out in little bubbles. I repeated this three more times and cleaned up the blood from my arm. Rolling down my sleeves I walked over to my desk and sat in the Victorian-like chair, opened my laptop and pressed the on button.

The laptop soon booted up and I opened up my iTunes account. I scrolled through the songs and found one what fitted with my mood, and involuntary, I sang along.

"I will wonder until the end of time,  
Torn away from you,  
I pulled away to face the pain,  
I close my eyes and drift away,  
Over the fear,  
That I will never find a way,  
to heal my soul,  
And I will wonder until the end of time,  
Torn away from you,

My heart is broken,  
Sweet sleep, my dark angel,  
Deliver us from sorrow's hold,  
Over my heart,

I can't go on living this way,  
I can't go back the way I came,  
Chained to this fear,  
That I will never find the way,  
to heal my soul,  
And I will wonder until the end of the time,  
Half alive without you,

My heart is broken,  
Sweet sleep, my dark angel,  
Deliver us,  
Change,  
Open your eyes to the light,  
I denied it all so long,  
Oh so long,  
Say goodbye, goodbye,

My heart is broken,  
Release me, I can't hold on,  
Deliver us,

My heart is broken,  
Sweet dreams my dark angel,  
Deliver us,

My heart is broken,  
Sweet sleep, my dark angel,  
Deliver us from sorrow's hold."  
When I finished, a clapping noise could be heard from my doorway. I span around and sure enough, Beck was standing there, looking right at me.

* * *

"Beck? Why are you here?"  
"Just, come here Jade." Beck opened his arms and I stood up and ran into them.  
"Beck… Never let me go?" I asked him, sobbing into his shoulder.  
"Damn, Jade, come on." He managed to guide us on to my bed and I curled up into his chest, crying until the tears wouldn't come anymore.  
When I started to drift off, I felt Beck try to stand up.  
"No, stay." I mumbled and he obliged, pulling the covers over both of us.  
"I'll always stay Jade. Forever." I nodded and started to drift of to his heartbeat in my ear. "I love you." He whispered in my hair and I succumbed to the overwhelming sleep.

* * *

"Beck?" I called and flung my arm out. I felt nothing but paper.  
'Princess, I had to leave, my Dad was locked out of the house. Don't think I'm not still there, I've left you with my heart. Take good care of it, and I'll be fine. Love you, Beck'.  
"Fucking great! My boyfriend doesn't even want to stay the night with me!" I threw my scissors from under my pillow at the wall and rolled over to where Beck had been. I inhaled his scent and passed out again. My last conscious thought was 'Maybe, Beck can help me? Maybe I'll get better?'

* * *

_Look who boarded the soppy train! Bit of a filler chapter inspired by my lovely 29 Tumblr followers! I love you if you follow me! I'm not sure where this is heading but I like being romantic and whatever at the moment! Anyway… Who thinks I should get snakebites? Mum said I could when I'm 18_ _:) I want them now! What do you guys think though? Would it be a good idea and do you think they'd suit me? Lots of love heading your way Earthlings! ~Daisy_


	8. AN

I'm sorry for abandoning this story.

Everything's been going wrong and I took an unexpected break from writing. I don't know when the next update will be, but I'll try to write some more today.

I'm really sorry for leaving with no warning, I've just been overwhelmed and I really don't want to bug you with all the reasons, you just need to know that I'm a screw up. I'm a failure at everything and I don't understand why you people stuck with this story.

I have been very sick with pneumonia since new years and I've only just recovered, but I could barely move. And now it's my GCSE's and applying to college but I have no clue what to choose.

It's a stupid excuse but the pressure's too much sometimes.


End file.
